Audi Q5 and Mercedes-Benz GLK

Audi is usually remembered only in the context of the eternal disputes between BMW and Mercedes, and even then with a saying like "can't afford the Bavarian — take an Audi." In comparative tests, serious publications first admire for a long time how BMW takes corners and handles G-forces, and only at the very end note that "in terms of overall characteristics" Audi wins. At the same time, a few pages earlier, only two paragraphs are said about this car: the first — that it is dull, the second — that its instruments glow beautifully in the dark.

PERMANENT ALL-WHEEL DRIVE — ONLY FOR THE GERMANS
Initially, I planned to pit BMW X3 and Mercedes GLK against each other. But I remembered the old comedy "Les Compères," where Depardieu's character tried to start a conversation with the phrase "If you have to choose between BMW and Mercedes..." and Reno's hero cut him off with a grimace of disgust: "Not that." To avoid getting the same reaction from readers, I had to replace BMW with Audi. Especially since the Q5 is equipped with permanent all-wheel drive and is closer in design to the GLK with its Quaife differential. Other premium crossovers engage the rear axle with a clutch only when necessary.

So, we have two "Germans" in front of us. Both with permanent all-wheel drive. The engines differ in displacement — 2 and 2.8 liters, but the output is comparable: 210 and 230 horsepower. The parity is explained by the turbo on Audi's smaller engine.

I WANT EVERYTHING AND AT ONCE
It's minus 18 outside. I get into the Q5 and drive off — it feels like I'm sitting inside an iceberg. The pedals seem frozen, the door trim and dashboard have turned to ice. The aluminum body has shrunk from the cold, and I involuntarily pulled my head into my shoulders, getting goosebumps. The unheated transmission responded with strange jerks at low throttle. Audi doesn't have a classic "automatic" but a DSG with two clutches. Mercedes has a regular automatic transmission, frost doesn't bother it, and the GLK itself didn't look frozen: I didn't notice any difference between warm and cold states. Poor frost-covered Audi — it lacks the smoothness of ride that Mercedes is famous for, and on broken asphalt it goes like a piece of ice on an iron roof.


Let's discard all the clichés about Audi and Mercedes. What remains? Mercedes relaxes. You get behind the wheel — and peace sets in. You're in no hurry. You love and respect everyone around you, and you worship the GLK itself. Audi is the complete opposite. It's like a slot machine: it executes any command quickly and easily. The car itself stays in the shadows, the main thing is the driver's will. And you break through: I want this, I want that, I want everything! You don't even think about why. The onboard computer showed that the average speed of the Audi during the test was 30 km/h, and for the Mercedes — only 23.

I'm against endless "wants," but when Audi is ready to fulfill any whim, it's impossible to stop — it tries too hard. That's why I'm closer to Mercedes: a mechanism that doesn't need the owner's praise. When you have a Mercedes — you have only it. Bad asphalt doesn't exist. You're not driving on the highway, you're inside the Mercedes, and what's outside the window doesn't matter. And in the Audi, you start to notice the road and the quality of the surface, and then endless desires creep in, which are hindered by signs, markings, and traffic police. Want to become a psycho — buy an Audi, and it will happen soon. Want to enjoy life — take a Mercedes.


I stormed one steep hairpin turn several times, trying to find the limit. In the end, the Mercedes oversteered, and the Audi nearly flew sideways into the barrier there. No, the Audi is not weak in terms of suspension and electronics — on the contrary, its chassis is sportier than the Stuttgart one and enters corners more easily. But what does that lead to? You get bolder and then end up lying in a ditch on the roof. A car should cater to the best that exists in modern man — fear and laziness. Mercedes does exactly that. Audi ignores the peaks of human psyche and develops excitement and arrogance — the most vile vices.

SPECS: AUDI Q5

SPECS: MERCEDES-BENZ GLK

FOLLOWING THE SNOWMOBILE TRAIL
Both crossovers can be confidently driven on snow, even deep snow. In the Audi off-road, press the "hill descent" button and the ESP off-road mode. The Audi's engine is amazingly elastic, the torque plateau starts at 1500 rpm. In that snowdrift where you have the sense to drive, it will never get stuck. Even if the snow depth is slightly higher than the ground clearance. The Audi drives through deep snow ruts and overcomes diagonal wheel articulation. But you always need to keep a place for acceleration, just in case. I stormed a snowy hill for a long time, which was approached by snowmobile tracks. The Audi took the summit on the third try. After a while, the Mercedes drove up there and climbed on the first attempt.


The aluminum Audi is light, but off-road it's easier to drive the Mercedes. Although the transmissions are almost identical, the operation of the traction control electronics differs only in nuances, and the geometric off-road capability is roughly equal. But ask me: would I take the Audi to a sand quarry? No. It shakes on bumps like a washing machine in spin mode. And the Mercedes floats like a barge, and it also has an off-road package with excellent underbody protection (too bad it was absent on the test car).

REJOICE IN WHAT YOU HAVE
The layout of the instruments and the entire dashboard of both rivals illustrates only that they understand trim materials, while the Audi looks more adequate for the price, and the Mercedes is saved only by aluminum. But in ergonomics and the safety of control buttons, both "Germans" don't understand a damn thing. Audi for some reason thinks that you should turn the temperature in one place and look in another, and Mercedes simply hid the climate control knobs almost under the front floor mat. The "success" of the MMI system is illustrated by the number of auxiliary buttons, which increases around the main joystick every year. The Mercedes "COMAND" is better, but also far from perfect. As car journalists like to say, "everything is intuitive": for example, to simply eject a disc, you need to make 16 movements, half of which are punches to the screen in powerless rage at your own stupidity. If you want accident-free driving in premium crossovers, don't touch the climate and CD while driving. Rejoice in the temperature you have and the music that's already playing.


According to all the rules of our journalism, now I should conclude that Audi wins by the sum of qualities... If you measure the rivals with a ruler, that's how it is. Colleagues are right. Only I lost the last ruler back in school and never used it in this test.